Nerd Rush: The Legend of Zelda's horrible (and not so horrible) advertising schemes, part 4.

It's time for another exciting installment of Zelda's advertising schemes! We begin with Four Swords Adventures for the Gamecube.

This little beauty is a North American commercial for Four Swords Adventures, and is bizarre on a level which most Zelda commercials haven't been since the 80s. From what I can gather, this guy has randomly invaded a woman's office in order to rant about Zelda. Maybe she's his new therapist. This commercial also features the most horrifying voice in the world saying "gamecube."

This is the Japanese one. I really have no idea what's going on, but from what I can gather it involves old people eating crab. Maybe they're pissed because their crab doesn't link up to the Gamecube like the SO AWESOME GAMEBOY ADVANCE DOES!

Here are two commercials for Minish Cap, one of the least popular (and hardest to find!) titles in the Zelda series.

This is the American one. I'm a bit conflicted on the message. It's either that you can still be an awesome hero even if you have long, douchey hair, or that psychoactive drugs make this game way better.

This is the Japanese one. Apparently this game will make you either a massive giant or shrink a lot. I can't imagine why Minish Cap didn't sell more copies.

The next game that was released in the Zelda series is very well-loved - Twilight Princess. It was simultaneously released for the Gamecube and Nintendo's new console, the Wii, and was hailed as a return to the more realistic style of Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask after a long line of surrealistic, cartoon-like installments.

Here's one of the the many American ones. This commercial pisses me off - it reminds me of being thirteen and having some friend invite me over to "check out this sweet new game" which meant that I had to sit there for three hours watching them repeatedly run into walls because they suck at video games damn it JUST GIVE ME THE CONTROLLER ALREADY. 

Pardon the flashback. What you'll notice about this ad is that it's just as much about the Wii's motion-sensing functionality as it is about Twilight Princess - because TP was a launch title, it had to serve double-duty as a solid standalone title and as a reason to drop several hundred bucks on a brand new machine.

The Japanese commercial is very similar to the American one; a rare instance of both Nintendo Japan and Nintendo America having the same ideas about how to promote their product. There's a little more focus on the cinematic aspect of Twilight Princess, though, rather than just gameplay. The European commercials are identical to this one, just with a dopey-looking white guy instead of the stylish-looking Japanese bro.

Phantom Hourglass was released shortly after Twilight Princess for the relatively unpopular (at least at that point, anyway; it's almost the best-selling system ever now) handheld console, the DS. It was a relatively direct sequel to Wind Waker. Nintendo had just released a new, slimmer version of the DS - called the DS Lite - and were looking for sales. In the same way as Twilight Princess was meant to sell the Wii, Phantom Hourglass was meant to sell the DS Lite.

This Japanese commercial focuses pretty much exclusively on showcasing how the DS's touch stylus would function in gameplay. Personally, I found it a pain in the ass to use - I'm old like that - but it was pretty innovative at the time.

The first American one is similar in that it shows a lot about how you're meant to play Phantom Hourglass, but also in the kind of people Nintendo was courting with this game (and the DS Lite) - casual gamers. These people are unnervingly normal and even kind of trendy, which makes geeks like me uncomfortable, but it seemed to work out pretty well for Nintendo.

The second one is one of the less popular Zelda commercials. To quote a YouTube commentator:

"if i had never heard of LOZ before, i wouldnt bother buying the game just because of this commercial


why don they just let the chicks stare at the camera for 30 seconds and at the end say "buy this", its essentialy what they're doing!


this commercial blows...."jewels"...NO THEY ARE CALLED RUPEES!!!!!!!!!!


god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Shortly after posting this comment, this guy probably died of female-inflicted heart failure. The point is, Nintendo was showing that anybody could pick up a Zelda game - even us game-deprived little girls.

The next game in the series is Spirit Tracks, another sequel to Wind Waker, set something like 100 years after the end of Phantom Hourglass in a far-off kingdom.

This video has both the U.K. commercial and the American one, which is nice because they're both very different. The U.K. one is obviously targeted to a younger audience - the friendly, BBC kids programme-type announcer and the bright, cartoony graphics really highlight those aspects of the game.

The American one is targeted to a more mature audience, and is darker in tone. Nintendo America also brought back their "immersion-style" ads with this game, showing some random kid being teleported into the world of Zelda. I guess they find it effective - I'm just worried about whether or not that kid should come off his meds.

The Japanese commercial is very similar to the one for Phantom Hourglass, which makes me kind of sad. I was hoping for more dancing or some crab legs or something, but it's all about the gameplay for Nintendo Japan.

Finally, we come to the as-yet-unreleased Skyward Sword, which drops on November 20th.

The North American commercial doesn't bother with footage of some guy waving around a Wiimote - it's straight into the setup of the game, which gives you a little background into the plot before you even pick it up. The graphics look great - like a perfect cross between Wind Waker and Twilight Princess - and the setting looks unique.

The Japanese commercial is also unusually narrative for a Zelda commercial, giving us a little bit of insight into Link and Zelda's relationship and some more hints on how the game might look while being played. I'm certainly excited.

And that's it for all the Zelda games to date! I hope you enjoyed this journey through Nintendo's often-questionable promotional campaigns for everybody's favorite series. If I see any more interesting Skyward Sword commercials as we get closer to November 20th, I'll be sure to add them.